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As I reach a new found level of procrastination which includes washing everything I own, making actual real food from scratch (not from a packet) and doing actual exercise I have stumbled across the next blog topic.

We take a step back from hospo or social injustices and simply ask why is it scientifically impossible to find anything worthy of watching on Netflix. Although at Evil Genius we are known for getting shit done, even the evilest of geniuses need their downtime.

Gone of the days are linear tv or pay to view (soz Sky) – people with an actual brain cell clued up a little while ago and realised ‘The Chase’ and re-runs of ‘Jeremy Kyle’ weren’t doing them any good as water cooler chat in the workplace.

Those hipsters and game-changers among us (clearly anyone reading my weekly rants) moved to the world of online magic, the golden arches of movies and content – Netflix.

Closely followed by Lightbox and the raft of bandwagon goers after that.

Every time I go and sit down for another bout of procrastination – I pull up the only bookmarked site (which obviously I don’t pay for and use someone else’s login) You guys are the real MVP.

The bright red N glares at me with hope and anticipation and I begin the deadly scroll.

This is going to go one of two ways  

  • I will pick the first thing I see that might get a slither of interest out of me but I’ll probably hate it within the first 15 minutes and secondary screen scroll Instagram while some D list actor whines about some fucking thing that’s going to give the story a semblance of a storyline.
  • Or I will scroll myself into an early grave and find nothing that sparks any interest as I continue scrolling until I can feel the procrastination eating me from the inside out and I die cold and alone like The Notebook with less Ryan Gosling and rainy kissing scenes.  

With a library of movies from all categories ever imaginable why the fuck can’t I find something worth watching.

Is Zuckerberg out to get us all with another life-destroying algorithm or is it the fact I have movie tastes which range between a pre-teen girl and a man born in the 60’s?

Let me know if you see a movie better than Waynes World and we can talk.

But as Evil Geniuses in the making, or already alive and well – there MUST be something other than the low budget Netflix branded content they are driving into our subconscious. It’s like they want us all to morph into the potato brained mush fest they know I am tempted to become.

You can twist my rubber arm no more Netflix, I’m onto you.

Please send help, motivation and any movies that won’t make me want to stab straws up my nose or gauge out my eyes with chopsticks.